Burning Down the House / Animals

Early post today. I've been wanting to write a drunk entry, but when I get drunk I also get tired, so I usually fall asleep instead of writing. It may be for the better. Usually when I get drunk I get stuck on one topic for a very long time and in a lot of unnecessary detail. So on this beautiful summer day, I'll give you a sober entry. Though I plan on start drinking pretty soon, so maybe later I'll give you a drunk entry.

I had a dream last night that I had to drive to some business outside the city where apparently everyone I knew worked. So after carpooling with everyone there I parked my car. My friends were also drunk for their 9-5 jobs and stood in front of a car trying to park. Now they only did it for like 10 seconds, so it wasn't that bad, but the driver of the car didn't laugh. In fact he came out, along with 3 of his friends and put a knife in my face. As the driver and the only one who didn't work their, I didn't feel that a knife in my face was appropriate. We all eventually calmed down and me and the knife wielding man got some Chinese food. During our Chinese food eating, I bumped into a friend who happen to be driving a huge van that day. Well by standing in front of the car like my friends did, it apparently made the car break, which I only learned at this moment as the knife wielding man explained how he needed a ride. So we picked everyone up and the van friend drove everyone home. When I got home I realized I forgot my car. I said I'd just go tomorrow with everyone again and pick up my car when they went to work. NOPE. Because everyone was drunk and carrying knives, everyone got fired and no one wanted to ever go back to the building. The knife wielding man offered to drive me back that night. When we got to my car, the doors, locks, and other parts were missing. Then the knife wielding man cursed me out, took credit for the theft and pushed me out of the car. I wasn't really that upset with being stranded, but I was confused how he blamed me for the car breaking down.

So that was all I could really think of to write about. I also had a dream where bonnarroo was in Boston and everyone was eating salami sandwiches that had some type of drug in it.

As I'm watching "Life" a movie about Eddie Murphy and Martin Lawrence in prison back in the 30's. They spend their whole LIFES in jail, hence the name. The thought that had crossed my mind is that I would much rather be in a black work camp prison then any white prison any day. They spend their days outside, talking and making jokes, playing baseball, sleeping with the warden's daughter. Sounds like a much better time then Andy Dufrene getting ass raped by the Sisters. And when they escape, they just set fire to a building, they don't have to crawl through 3 football fields of shit and piss.

Speaking of burning down buildings, does anyone else ever get that urge? To just set fire to buildings and furniture and people? No...yeah, me neither.

I think if I could speak to any animal in the world, I could only pick one species of animal to talk to, it would be alligators. Some people might pick dogs, because you have them as a pet. Well the conversations would never get past food. And knowing that they can talk to you, well they are so attached to people they would never stop talking to you. "I love you. I love you, can I eat something" No thanks. Cats probably wouldn't even talk back to you, those stuck up assholes.
Maybe someone would pick something more exotic, like a lion or elephant. Well the only times I would interact with an animal like that would be at a zoo, and zoo's aren't a happy place for animals. They would provide you with very depressing conversations and you'd probably just stop going to the zoo after that. So this is why I'd pick alligators. Alligators can kill you. They will kill you because they like to eat, and people are weaker and stupider than alligators. So with the ability to talk to alligators I could form an alliance with them. I could convince them that I am a great man and I should not be eaten. Even more so, I could convince them who SHOULD be eaten and form an army of alligators. And no one would know that it was me behind these killings, they would just blame the alligators. And then after people started getting really scared, that's when I would train the alligators to set fire to buildings. Then I would set fire to buildings. So much burning...but yeah, alligators. I would also accept any other animal with a killing capacity.

I mean at the very least I wouldn't have to worry about alligators and at the very best I engulf the world in flames with my Army of Torch Alligators. ATA they'd be known as, at least until everyone was dead. Then they wouldn't be known as anything, since everyone would be dead. But then you have to worry about the alligators that find out my plan and sympathize with humanity. I'd have to come up with a Fascist government regime for the alligators and make sure I found out the spies. Though, with alligators, I can't see much of them caring about humanity. Though they might be using me, and right as I conquer the world, they eat me and then they have the power.

There's a lot of kinks to work out, but you shouldn't worry about it. Just live your life to the fullest, keep on dreaming, and when an alligator starts eating you, just accept the inevitable and get eaten.

Alright, let's get some lunch in me.