Hard Sexual Choices / Kittens

Today while I defecated into my toilet I began to think about a troubling scenario. I will present that scenario to you know. If you had to pick, HAD TO, which would you pick? You could either walk in on your sibling having sex or your parents. Now don't just pick so quickly. I want you to really think about this. It's a hard question. Think about the possibilities. Think about the place, the possible toys involved. Think really hard. I'll give you a minute to decide.

Think some more.

Keep thinking.

Done thinking? NOPE. Think again.

Alright. You can decide now.

Now I hoped that my plan has worked. My planned was to get you, the reader, to think about your family members having sex not only for a good length of time, but also in good detail. Where were your parents? In their bed? In YOURS? Did your brother do anything kinky to his girlfriend? Or maybe you just found out he's gay? Would that make you want to walk in on him more?

To be honest I'm not going to pick for you or for me, but it's something that some people do go through and we shouldn't make this into a laughing matter because it's not funny for the people it's happened to and it's sure as hell not funny if that person is you.

Today was the first full day of summer. Yesterday began summer, but today was a full on 24 hours. Like Jack Bauer. They should call ever day after the seasonal solstice Jack Bauer Day. Or at the very least, someone should give me a present, preferably a visit by Jack Bauer. Depending on the season would depend on which Jack Bauer I get. Winter I feel like would be heroin addicted Jack Bauer. What a Christmas I would have...if I remembered it.

Some people keep a diary or journal. I feel like if there was a season that diary writing was most common it would be summer. People are off, relaxing. It's just conducive to writing. I would call my Summer Diary, "A Summery Summary of Summer's Summer." In this scenario, I have changed my name to Summer.

If you don't know or haven't heard or been out of the loop, possibly out of the news cycle, haven't read your google reader in a few days, maybe been out of town, or maybe you do know, I have a cat. His name is Buster and sometimes he craps in the house. His mother, a disgusting feral she-beast, lives in my backyard. His mother just gave birth to more kittens. Now I'm a nice guy, I like animals, but I have to say, God knows how to test me.

Recently we've gotten a new in-ground pool and God had already given me a pair of healthy hands. How in the world can I watch those kittens run around my backyard and not feel the urge to grab one or all of the kittens and drown them mercifully in the pool with my God given hands. Now I know what you are thinking, "Dave. Drowning kittens might ruin the pool. Think of the time and money it would take to clean and sanitize the pool after a kitten drowning." Trust me I know. But then you might say, "Well you could drown them in the filter that way the pool would mostly stay clean." Yeah, but I couldn't guarantee that the pool WOULD be clean. Now I know what you would say, "Well couldn't you just fill up a bucket with water by the pool and drown them in that." And I would simply smile and wink at you, implying I had already killed the kittens by that matter. And you would laugh. And I would say, "I'm sorry, but you just failed the test." And you would say "What test?" And then my body would appear to be some type of costume or suit. And when you poked me, the costume would fall apart, leaving a bunch of kittens on the ground. Before you could yell for help, the kittens would already have pounced on you. The twist...You become their new suit, waiting patiently for the next person to take their test.

Now as I was writing that past passage I stopped halfway through and almost erased the entire idea. I decided to keep it because I liked it even if I thought no one else would and also because I have to try and stop these kittens somehow. Next time you see me, just to be safe, say nice things about cats.