Watching an Animal Poop VERSUS Watching Two Animals Have Sex

After writing Unicorn VS Dragon yesterday, I thought it would be fun to do another one. On my train ride back from the city I thought of my trip to the Bronx Zoo. During this trip, in 6th grade (possibly 5th, but not 2nd) I had the pleasure, no PRIVILAGE..., no pleasure of seeing a full grown Rhino urinate. Urinate is the wrong word. Urinate is what an old man prays to God to do. What this Rhino did was mark his territory. He peed like 30 racehorses, 4 firehoses, and 1 really good shower head, all combined. Even though I was young (not 2nd grade young) and kids have been known to exaggerate, this memory will be remembered exactly as it happened. With a solid distance of 1/2 mile, the Rhino was completely unfazed by this miracle. It was amazing.

So while I thought of this on the train after work, I thought a good challenge would be Poop or Sex. In this case, either pick can be argued, which I will do, and either pick is acceptable to choose, but please remember how great both these things are.

Since I just discussed the pee story, I'll change the topic and move to Animals Having Sex. There are a lot of pros to this. Sex in general is something that Americans choose to hide in the shadows. People talk about sex, but it's always surrounded by some type of taboo or sin. So when someone sees two animals having sex IN PUBLIC, not caring about anything else, it's really funny. The degree of hilariousness is greatly affected by the animal that is having sex, but I can't think of any one animal I wouldn't enjoy watching trying to procreate. What really works well is when animals of two different species try to do some sexual act. This is commonly found with household pets, but Greek historians have found records of such indecent acts dating back to 30 B.C. In fact the term "at it like rabbits" comes from the fact that rabbits do indeed have sex and a lot.

Let's move past history and move to my favorite part of animals having sex. It is so great, the pinnacle of hilarity, but some teenagers may not even consider it sex. I'm talking about the legenardy animal sixty nine. Dogs do this a lot, and it never gets old. The idea that these animals want to spice up their sex life, get a little kinkier, could only be made better if they started dressing up. Which is why you should always keep your eyes out on Halloween.

I could probably keep going, but I feel that a lot of what makes animals having sex funny is almost indescribable. You just know that its funny, so you laugh.

So let's on to the other half of this. Animals pooping. This is another category that is inately funny. Unlike sex, poop is on a different level. Discussing sex between people is usually about love or hate or drama, rarely does it involve comedy. But poop on the other hand is always funny. Have you ever made your friends look at your poop and not laughed. Even the mention of someone pooping is funny. I spend most drunken nights telling girls that they have pooped. Even most of my life lessons involve assjuice. So poop is funny.

Well for some reason when you take poop and a stupid animal, it's even funnier. The bigger the animal the funnier it is. And what I think makes it really funny is the fact they don't care. A horse could be in the middle of the Kentucky Derby and just start shitting. A elephant at the circus. He's got to go when he goes. And one of the best parts is when the animal finds the poop amusing. Which usually leads to the animal sniffing/eating it, or playing with it. The most common animal associated with playing with poop is a monkey. Picture a monkey. Now picture that monkey holding poop. Now picture him sniffing it. Now picture another monkey pushing poop monkey. That poop is getting thrown. Hilarity ensues.

It's hard for me to really pick a clear winner but I do thing that animals pooping is not only more universal, but also has more types of funny. Animals having sex is always animals having sex. Animals with poop could lead to alot of different things. So I'm gonna go with the pooping for now.

Just an FYI for everyone. It's O.K. for animals to have sex in public. For the most part, no one is going to get upset about it. But you are not an animal, you are a Human. Remember that and keep your sex life private.