Birth: Part Two

It's becoming apparent to me now at this point that pregnancy is the first part of life, at least according to these postings, but I do think Birth is a better start, so I will keep Birth as the title until I'm completely done with it.

Back to pregnancy types. There's also insemination. Men with women sometimes have low sperm counts and can't get their wives pregneant. So he jacks off into a clear plastic cup, which is given to a chef, or "doctor" who takes a turkey baster, water gun, or whatever injection device he can find, puts sperm into selected item, and the sperm is shot violently into the woman's genitals. And 7 out of 10 times it works! (There's a 10% chance that's true) The woman usually has to do numerous handstands after operation, but it's worth it.

This procedure is also done with sad single women who can't find love in the real world, so select a donor to provide her with sperm to fill her loneliness with a baby. Lesbians probably do this too, but they usually keep to themselves.

IMPORTANT NOTE: Turkey baster/water gun/injection tool does NOT work in reverse. You CANNOT remove a baby by sucking it out with a turkey baster. DO NOT TRY, but if you do, please buy a new baster for this. If not, don't invite people over for Thanksgiving Dinner and expect them to want seconds. Especially with your unwanted newborn making things awkward.

The last way to get pregnant is test tube babies. I think it was aliens who showed us how to do this, but its not as space aged as those liberals would have you think. Instead of going through the 5 minute hassle of sex, people instead spend hours/day and thousands of dollars talking to doctors and getting a procedure done. Whereas sex has the sperm travel ALL THE WAY through the vagina, this gives sperm an express train ride.

The doctors remove an egg from the woman and plop it down on the table. Then take some sperm from the man put it in a baster and inject it into the egg that was previously plopped down. The egg is then reinserted into the woman, and now she is pregnant. Some women even pay other women to do this because they think having sperm in them is disgustion and being pregnant is weird and just not for them. Also, this way is more humane. Most sperm die during sex, and out of the millions of sperm, you are lucky is the girl even gets pregnant. More sperm die during one night of sex then the total number of Americans killed in WWI and WWII combined).

Finally, couples sometimes pay a woman who is already pregnant for their unwanted child. This woman probably has an unplanned pregnancy and instead of kill the unborn child inside her she decides to have it and just live her life knowing she has a child somewhere in the world that doesn't even know she exists. You'd think that a lot of minorites would be giving their children away, but oddly enough, its mostly white teenagers.

But does it really matter how a woman or couple gets pregnant. Once she's knocked up, shoe's knocked up. When you discover a baby's coming, you should start planning for birth. Everyone I know, alive or dead, started their life by being born. No one just exists, you must be born. I'd say birth may be the most important part of life.

The pregnancy is now over and the baby is about to be born. Prepared for Birth: Part Three soon.