HOW TO LIVE

I've decided that I'm going to change the point of this blog. I haven't written here in a long time and I think that's due to lack of a theme. So I came up with a good topic to write my blog around. I didn't just come up with this today, or yesterday, or even a month ago. I'd have to ask my dad exactly when, but I'm gonna guess 5th grade. It was around the time I got "Bart Simpson's Guide to Life" and my Simpsons fandom was peaking pretty good at age 11. Though I did build the best fucking Simpsons Trivia game ever in 7th grade (w/the help of one Meridith Neirenberg).

It was an idea for a book. A book about Life. Not about the board game, though that could be include, but more specifically about How to Live Life. You're probably saying to yourself, "Dave there's already books about how to live life," or maybe "Why am I reading this blog right now" or even "What are these odd characters on this screen. I wish I could read" Well, I'll say that there are many books about how you SHOULD live life, or how you SHOULD live a BETTER life, but no books on how to live. What's the difference? Well this isn't a self-help book. I don't care if you are overweight or have some mental issues, this book won't help you. But if you don't know how to consume food, or intake oxygen, then this is exactly what you are looking for.

Are you confused? This book, now blog, gives direction on how to live and how to continue to live. It will tell you how to breathe, eat, drink, anything that one person needs to exist. If you are overweight, go buy a diet book. If you are on your death bed, read this blog. If you still don't understand, I'm sure it will make complete sense once I begin to write more entries into the blog.

It should be noted at this juncture that I almost never proofread my blogs, I never edit, and most of the time I'm intoxicated while writing, so I apologize for any entries that offend, confuse, or enrage you the reader. Also, my grammar skills are not that great, but if that makes you offended or enraged, I don't care; confused, well that would make sense.

So stay tuned for my next post. HOW TO LIVE: CHAPTER 1. BIRTH

Christmas Song

I will not be posting this link on facebook because of why I'm posting. I just found my self-written Xmas Song about Mrs. Claus. It's called "Mrs. Claus: I Love You." I'm putting it here so I will have a copy of it somewhere.

On this Silent Night,
You sit all alone.
Roasting Chestnuts,
On that open fire glow.
But this Winter Wonderland,
Just can not do,
O Mrs. Claus,
I Love You.

I'll fuck you in the front, I'll fuck you in the back
I'll fuck you with an elf in the reindeer shack.

I'll fuck you in the ass in Santa's Workshop.
And the only thing I ask is to cum in your twat.

Your titties make me hard, I just love your bust,
I'll fig your pudding while you roast on my nuts.

O Mrs. Claus
You're an Angel It's True.
O Mrs. Claus, I Love You.

Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock
You can jingle my balls while you suck on my cock.

Frosty's got his pipe and some extra weed,
Let's smoke this shit, then I'll give you what you need.

Rudolph shines his nose so bright,
I'll cum in you face if that's what you like.

O Mrs. Claus
You're an Angel It's True.
O Mrs. Claus, I Love You.

It's bukkake time so I brought some friends,
The Grinch, Scrooge, and the Three Wise Men.

Santa tonight may be going to town,
But I'll make you cume when I make my dick brown.

I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus,
So fuck that dick and show him who's boss

Santa's back so I'm gonna go,
I'll see you next year you slutty ass ho